how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
