This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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