Have you finally orgasmed yet?
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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