people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
