Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
