my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
