Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
