6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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