She is in my trunk
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
