I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
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