i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just gift wrapped bread.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
