i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
