just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
