so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Mom said you looked used
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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