Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
