I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I got her a Nickelback box set.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
