have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
