I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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