haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
