do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
