Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
