He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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