Banned from zoo.
Again?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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