Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
