okay pat passed out under dana's car
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
