I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
