I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
