Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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