is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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