I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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