is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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