Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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