I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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