apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Damn victory sex feels great
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
