it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
