Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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