It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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