Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Someone shattered a urinal.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
