Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
