Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You dont lie about slip and slides
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
