Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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