I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
