I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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