Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
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