dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
