it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
