I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
