Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
