It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
