We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it's like iHOP with fire
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
