i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
