It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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