while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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